Bobbys Pants
by Clue Impaired
Summary: Oh, to be Bobbys Pants


**Disclaimer: ** All of this I own is the idea. And Bobbys pants.

**Bobbys Pants**

**"**They are definitely you, sir. You have the height and body style to carry them off and it is spring. Lighter colors are the thing to have for the spring. With that sport jacket you'll be the brightest star on the sidewalk." The salesman was gushing with compliments to Bobby.

Bobby was not as susceptible to flattery as some might think, but he had to admit that he liked the look of the beige slacks that the salesman had talked him into trying on in place of his usual dark Armani suits. The pleats were sharp looking down the front and they already hung at just the right length. He was really tempted to just wear them out of the store.

"And to top it all off, we're having a special on the spring line. These are 15 off for today only."

That settled it. On the rare occasions that he bought something different having a discount was the ultimate deal maker. "I'll take them."

"I can have them altered…."

"I'll take them just like they are." He told the man. "And the jacket as well. I'll just wear them. Ring them up." He said firmly. Wasn't Alex going to be surprised? He liked the way they fit and the way they looked.

"Oh, alright." The young man agreed, pleasantly surprised. He was already drooling over the nice fat commission check this sale would bring.

It took only minutes for the transaction to be completed and Bobby walked proudly out the door with his old suit in a garment bag over his shoulder. He got in his car and headed for the precinct house. He would be early for work, but that was alright.

He felt good, the sun was shining after the cold winter and he felt good for a change.

The other detectives gave him some odd looks when he came in, but they knew better than to antagonize him too much. Even if Bobby took it, Alex wouldn't and they didn't want Ross to come down on them over it.

Bobby was seated at his desk when Alex came in. She noticed the jacket right away. "Nice." She said. A major compliment that made Bobby flush with pleasure. These were going to be nice threads.

Alex sat down and pulled a pile of paperwork toward her. "When did you get that jacket?" she asked idly.

"This morning. My tailor was gone for vacation and I wanted something new so I tried this place. I might go there again."

"You're not giving up Giovanni, are you?"

"No. I just thought something different might be nice."

"Well, I like it."

"Goren, Eames, there's a call at the DA's office. They need you there ASAP." Ross called to them.

"On our way." Alex told him.

Bobby got up and Alex smiled at the outfit. "Very nice."

They drove carefully to the DA's office and they were admitted immediately. The temporary DA Wilson was sitting in her office with an older woman and man seated across the desk from her. "Detectives Eames and Goren, this is Mr. and Mrs. Jacobsen. They are telling me that their daughter has disappeared along with her two kids and they suspect the childrens father."

"Uh, have you contacted the police precinct in your area?" Alex asked the couple after glancing at her partner.

"The Jacobsens are friends of the my parents and they need a quiet investigation. I've already cleared it with Captain Ross. He's informed me that you two are the ones to do the job."

"We'll do all we can. Suppose you tell us all you know so far." Bobby told the worried older couple with a gentle smile.

They immediately warmed to him and in a quavering voice Mrs. Jacobsen told them that their daughter met the man at a local restaurant and fallen for him. According to them he was a loser and she had supported him, having two kids by him, then denying her parents access to the children. It was a domestic scene that should have been handled by the local authorities, but knowing the ADA they had come to her for help. Bobby made copious notes and assured them that there would be an investigation as soon as possible.

Alex and Bobby left the office and Alex shook her head. "It sounds to me like a family dispute. Why are we involved? We should just kick it back to them."

"That's not like you, Eames. These are people who're worried about their daughter and grandkids."

"It seems to me that the Mrs. Jacobsen is the worried one, Mr. Jacobsen didn't strike me as all that concerned."

"He may have a different way of showing his concern. Men of his generation were taught that men don't cry or ever let their weaknesses show. He may be worried and not able to show it."

"That's absurd." Alex said.

"By our standards, maybe, but it's prevalent in the military and paramilitary groups."

"He's too old for that kind of activity."

"For those kind of organizations, you're never too old, if you've seen action."

"So where do we start?"

"Let's go to the last known address. If their daughter and her family are as memorable as they seem to think, someone ought to remember them."

Yes, they were memorable, but it was the kind of thing you don't want to be remembered for. In so far as the landlord was concerned it was the daughter that the worthless one. She and the kids had left the apartment a total wreck and skipped out on several months rent. The father had been a charming man, trying to live up to his wife's unreasonable demands.

She was able to give them the school that the kids went to and that yielded the current address to the woman. Bobby knocked on the door of the third floor apartment. They could hear a baby crying inside, and a television talk show. It was surprising that anyone could hear anything in there.

The door opened after a minute and a woman stood there in the sweat clothes holding a screaming toddler on her hip. "I'm not buying anything." She told them bluntly.

Bobby showed her his badge. "We're looking for Didi Wilson. Are you her?"

'I am." She said warily. "But I don't know where Warren is."

"We're looking for you. Can we come in?" Alex said, the crying toddler was getting on her nerves. When Didi looked reluctant she added "We can either come in so the neighbors don't hear this or we can take you into custody and the kids can go to Foster Care." She said harshly.

Bobby was surprised at his usually mild mannered partners attitude, but so far he hadn't liked anything about the woman any more than she had.

Didi backed up and let them in. The apartment was a pigsty. There was a table full of dirty dishes and full ashtrays on coffee tables, dirty clothes all over the house and an overflowing garbage can in the kitchen. "I haven't had a chance to clean up today." She said.

"Or anytime in the last four weeks." Eames said under her breath.

Didi wouldn't have heard her with the baby screaming in her ear. She set the baby down and scooped a pile of clothes off a sofa that looked worse than it had with the clothes on it. "Please have a seat." She said.

"We, we can't stay." Bobby said.

The baby looked up at him from his seat on the floor. He looked way up and decided he really liked Bobby. He crawled from his mother over to the massive detective and with a grubby hand reached up and grasped Bobbys new pants and pulled himself up to stand next to him, wobbling. He grabbed on with both very grubby hands and grinned up at Bobby and Alex. If he had been clean, he would've been cute.

"Duke, don't bother the man." Didi Wilson grabbed her son and pulled him away from Bobby. A lot of the dirt off the babys hands were now rubbed on Bobbys pants.

"You need to get in touch with your parents." Alex told the woman. "They are worried about you and your kids."

"Not enough to help us." Didi said. "I'll, I'll let them know I'm fine." She said resentfully.

Duke was leaning toward Bobby reaching for him. Alex quickly stepped between her partner and his new friend. "We'll show ourselves out." She told the woman.

"Let's go back to my place, I need a shower." Alex said feeling grimy by just being there.

"We need to let Carver know that we found her. But maybe we should find Warren. If he sees that her parents are willing to get the police involved maybe he'll make an effort for those kids."

"What kind of contact do we have for him?"

"There's a Cindy Rose."

"Let's go there. I'll take a shower later."

Cindy Rose turned out to be a dog breeder who also ran a doggie daycare. She was surprised to find the detectives on her door. She was even more surprised to find that she was listed with anything to do with Warren. She scoffed as she moved around the kennels, doing her job. She seemed like a nice woman.

"I haven't seen that welcher since he stole money from my register and beat feet out of here."

"Did you call the police?"

"No. It was only $25.00 because that was all I had. For that I'm not bothering the police. It'd cost more for them to file a report and feed the bum if they caught him than I'd get back even if he hadn't already spent it. I have better things to do with my time than that." She shrugged sensibly.

"So you have no idea where he is?" Alex asked.

"No. Good riddance to bad rubbish, my grandmother always said." Cindy opened a connecting door to find an entire room filled with mud all over the floor and puppies all over. They saw the humans at the door and ran toward the door. Cindy was quick but she wasn't quick enough. A good two dozen dogs flooded into the room where they stood. With muddy and whatever else they had on their feet, they managed to swarm all over the legs of the people. "No, down. I'm sorry. Brad! Get out here." Cindy was trying to capture the animals who were making a mess of the guests while simultaneously calling for Brad in a bellowing voice.

A tall, gangly youth charged into the room and took in the site at once. The puppies saw him and went charging for his sensible jeans. "Oh, my goodness, look at what they did to you. I am so sorry." Cindy eyed the thousand foot prints on Bobbys pants and somewhat less visible ones on Alex. "Let me get you a wet towel."

Bobby gave her a charming smile. "It's no problem. Really."

"If you send me the bill for dry cleaning or I'll pay to replace them." The flustered woman offered.

"That's quite alright. I've had ….worse things happen to me than a little…." Bobby gestured to the closed door.

"Thank you, Mrs. Rose." Alex told the woman.

They left her roundly chastising her helper.

"Do you want to go back to your house and change clothes now?" Bobby asked.

"You look worse than I do." Alex pointed out.

His slacks, so proudly pristine this morning looked so much like they'd make great shorts. It seemed doubtful that they'd ever make decent looking pants again. "A little soap and water and they'll be good as new." He said hopefully.

"Let's go get some lunch and we'll figure out where to go from there." Alex suggested. "You pick, it's my treat."

"How about that Chinese restaurant over on Dublin street? Stacottis niece works there and he says they have great egg rolls."

"Sounds good."

The restaurant seemed popular indeed. They had to park across the street and walk. The hostess seemed to be harried but she was trying to be gracious and led the couple to a table well away from the group of people arguing in the other room. There seemed to be several languages involved. "I think I'll just have the buffet." Alex said watching them.

"We could go somewhere else." Bobby offered considerately.

"No. This is alright. What're you having?

"Buffet seems safest." Bobby said. There seemed to be an escalation of hostilities going on. "Should we go see if we can mediate that? It looks like a riot going to break out."

"It's just an domestic. That's the way they settle it. Let's go get the food. She'll probably come see about the drinks when we sit back down."

The food was set out in nice quantities and quality was taken with the presentation. Alex was so hungry she took a bite of an egg roll before leaving the buffet. "Mmm. These are excellent." She waved it at Bobby.

"I'll try them." He assured her with a grin.

The hostess left her battling group and came over to them. "I'm sorry. What can I get you for drink? On the house, of course."

Neither of the detectives was willing to risk life or limb by ordering hot tea so they got soft drinks. The hostess brought them with another apology and hurried back to the loudly gesturing group. The food was good. The best either of them had had in a while. "We'll have to come back here again. I'll bet this is a nice restaurant usually." Alex said.

"It's just a family dispute is all. We'll come back." Bobby agreed.

The hostess had had enough of her relatives. Her voice rose above all of theirs.

"Enough. Everybody out. You have scared off enough of my customers. Take it out of here." She screamed.

The group, still arguing, moved toward the door. A splinter group moved toward the detectives and the bathrooms. They were having their own private argument. Just as they reached the table one pushed the other harder than he intended to or the second man wasn't prepared, because he fell against Alex. She fell against the table knocking the open bottle of soy sauce toward Bobby and his soft drink the same way and the table tipped so the entire liquid mess fell right in Bobbys lap.

He tried to leap out of the way and the liquid left a brown streak from the large puddle in his lap down both pant legs and pooled into his shoes. He wasn't as concerned about that as he was about Alex half laying across the table.

Both men where aghast at what they'd done. They tried to help Alex up, talking furiously in their own language. Bobby forcefully shoved them out of the way and helped her up himself. "Alex, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She said, more embarrassed than hurt.

"You gentlemen need to settle your differences someplace private…."Bobby began angrily.

The hostess came over to the two, screeching in their native language and started hitting them with her hand towel. The cowered away from her like she was a demon.

One of them gestured to Bobby. The hostess turned to him and said reluctantly in English. "They say if you want to call the police they will gladly take what punishment they are owed."

"We are the police." Alex showed them her badge and it appeared as though the two men were genuinely awed and apologetic. One of them shyly pointed out the mess on the front of Bobby pants.

Alex turned and got her first really good look at the mess and burst out laughing. Not her most shining moment, to be sure. Bobby turned all shades of red at the same time.

The hostess did a credible job of trying to hold a straight face, but Alex's helpless laughter didn't help and she ended up laughing anyway. Inscrutable was not on the menu at this restaurant.

Even Bobby had to admit that it looked like he'd done something to himself and he took the proffered towel and dabbed at the awful looking mess before he gave it up as a bad job. He crossed his arms and watched the group laugh. It was funny. He was just glad that Mike Logan couldn't see it.

Someone had had the temerity to call in the loud shouting at the restaurant and a whole group of officers boiled into the restaurant, guns drawn. The shrieking was worse than ever and Alex showed them her badge. Bobby eased his out and helped them sort it all out, ignoring the jibes and looks he got from the other officers. The hostess gave them a years worth of free meals when he and Alex refused to press charges against the two men.

By the time they had it all sorted out, it was past four in the afternoon. Alex called the captain and promised to make a full report the next morning. It had already leaked back to the squadroom in a somewhat distorted form and they were told to go home and come in the next day.

The mess on Bobbys new slacks was starting to dry now. "To your house or mine?" Alex asked with a grin.

"Yours." Bobby said with a sigh. He had clean clothes there too.

They managed to make it into Alexs house without anyone else seeing him. As soon as he was inside he slide the poor pair of pants off and held them up to examine them up close. That sent Alex into another fit of giggles.

Bobby glared at her. "These were not cheap." He said.

"I know they weren't. And they're probably ruined. And I'm sorry."

Bobby gave her an indignant look and marched toward her bathroom. Though he scrubbed with soap and stain remover the stain stubbornly refused to go away. He finally gave up and dropped them into her garbage can. He took off his sport coat and hung it in the closet. "You know your boxers are stained as well." Alex said behind him.

"It soaked all the way through." He said sadly.

"That's alright, Bobby." She said in a sultry voice. "You won't be needing them for awhile anyway."

Bobby turned to see his sexy partner sitting on the bed. She smiled and patted the bed beside her. He smiled and went to join her. Nope, he didn't need his pants after all.

Complete


End file.
